“What do you want to be?” They say.
She thinks to herself; “Easy. I want to be happy”. A few moments pass by, returning from her mission to find the answer, she replies “umm not sure really, maybe a nurse?”.
I think I might have read it on a Facebook post once or something and I kind of just latched on to it. I decided at one point, “Yeah that’s how I’m going to answer that question from now on. That’s a good one!”. And since discovering this quick response, I can’t help but think it when I’m asked this overly repetitive go-to question.
The answer is simple, also disturbingly cliche, but doesn’t reveal too much about my personal details and it’s not arguable. And most importantly, I used to believe in this answer more than I believed in the other answers that I might have been able to muster up in those moments.
In annoyance I might think to myself, “Why do I have to want to be something? Do I need to be something to be fulfilled in life? Why don’t people understand that happy is such a simple, obvious answer?”.
But being happy is still being something.
We’re taught it must be acquired, worked for. And so what I’ve realized is that answering that dreaded question with a response like “happy”, is no different than answering with “I want to be ________.” Filling in that blank with “happy” is nothing but an illusion, that makes us feel like we’ve answered the question with the highest and mightiest answer that we believe at the time to be indisputable and moderately admirable. It’s also comforts us into thinking we’ve avoided the question we don’t really know the answer to in the first place.
At the bottom of your heart (I understand this now), you can’t actually possibly be anything other than yourself. The labels, the answers people are expecting from this question are just acquirable, fictional ideas that we’ve created as humans with a misused consciousness. So I think we all have a right to struggle with this question, even if it’s deeper than where we want to go within ourselves.
I started to question why happiness was the ultimate goal. Why would I accept for all of this time that happiness was a solid answer for what a person should want to be in life? Out of all of the emotions in the world, why happiness?
What I’ve come around to, is that happiness isn’t the end all, be all in life. In fact, living a life of happiness is not living a life of truth at all.
Happiness does not equal satisfaction and fulfillment. In reality, happiness is only a subtle symptom of a fulfilled life.
But how do we become fulfilled and satisfied?
I believe it’s embracing all of the emotions in our spectrum of our consciousness.
Instead of chasing happiness (which we all know to be an illusive game), why not hug sadness and shake hands with loneliness? Instead of fighting these emotions that exist within all of us, within life, why not welcome them? Actually take the time to become acquainted with these invisible creatures that live with you for your entirety on this planet.
If you’re going to be something, why not be an individual in touch with your own mind and emotions?Someone that can truly understand that all emotions are equal in the scale of beauty. One doesn’t trump another. Experiencing more than just happiness in your life, makes you conscious, makes you alive.
So I guess the moral of this little blurb is to circle around the idea that we should stop judging our life’s success by how happy we are, or how happy we will be. Acknowledging that we already have everything within ourselves that we will ever need. Including anger, jealousy, sadness, joy, and having these and embracing them makes us a fulfilled conscious being.
So long as we can stop labelling emotions in our life as desirable or undesirable and let them exist in the ways that they happen organically, we’ll experience happiness naturally without having to search for it anywhere.
Happiness comes on it’s own terms and fighting away the other emotions doesn’t open the door any wider for happiness to squeeze itself in.
Be kind to your emotions, be kind to yourself. Stop searching for happiness, it’s already there.