My Realistic Mini Guide to Thriving in a Workplace of Hell

People you don’t like? Easy. You stop associating with them. Work you don’t like? Not so easy. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do if you want to earn money sometimes right? But it seems like no one is happy doing it. And when you aren’t happy doing your job, we don’t usually tend to do a good job at it either…

So let’s consider that work may not be so much a quest for enjoyment but rather a journey of survival and learning opportunities.

You’re probably going to work with or for some miserable people at some point in your working life, and this attitude is going to inevitably leach into your working environment. This will make it hard for you to grow and succeed in your workplace.

So what do you do? Quit? What about that trip you wanted to go on or those bills you had to pay for? Maybe quitting isn’t the answer here. Maybe learning to cope with what is until you’ve accomplished your financial goals for yourself is the better option here. In this case, we need our jobs to make money so we can get where we need to go, whether it’s half way across the world or out the damn door away from these miserable humans.

So here we are learning how to grind it out with this small uncensored guide written by me.


Here are 7 things that you may stumble upon when you work for toxic people/workplaces and how to make the best of these exhausting situations:

1.) They always think they are doing you a favour rather than contaminating your life. For example when they desperately need shift coverage and you comply, instead of really thanking you, they will say things like “just think of all the money you are making“. This one bothers me because I believe my time is more valuable than money and I really am working as a favour, not because I need the money. Truthfully, they probably need the shift coverage more than you need the money, so keep that one in your back pocket.

How to handle this: Well, you smile and you say yes and carry on. Let them feel good about providing you with a job as much they want. At the end of the day, you taking the shift will keep you in the good books. And we all know that the people in the good books get treated better than the ones who aren’t. It doesn’t mean you won’t want to tell them to stfu after they’ve reminded you 5x of the money you are making. But grin and bear this one. Trust me.

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2.) They will take their anger out for the world on you. They hate where they are in their lives so much that all of that resentment fills up and they spew it on their co-workers or employees. All of a sudden that little thing you didn’t do up to their standards becomes a BIG thing.

So what do you do? When they yell at you, most of all, don’t let it get to you. Understand that their anger is their problem, not yours. After the fact though, for dramatic affect, look sullen and wait until they appologize to you using with their excuses that will resemble phrases such as “Sorry I am just stressed and tired”. If you want to go for gold. Cry. I don’t suggest this one because it gives them a little bit too much power but either way, make them feel a little guilty for their psychotic behaviour.

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3.) They repeat the same stories & bring up the same topics again and again. Very few things make these people happy so when they find something that focuses their attention off of their misery for a moment they will become obsessed with it. How many times have you heard about Wendy’s cat after she’s yelled at you for doing the paperwork wrong only moments prior?

What to do? Ask again about Wendy’s cat. “What colour of collar did you say you got Fifi on Monday?”. In fact bring up these topics when you feel like sugaring them up. Know your boss or co worker you strongly dislike loves talking about something? i.e) their money, pet etc.. Bring them up! They eat this shit up. It’s like giving these people a dose of happy medication. Like hey you are being a total bag of douche to me today so let’s talk about your cat so a.) you feel like I care and b.) Fifi makes you forget how much you hate your life for a second and you’re less of a bitch to me. I literally give this advice to new employees all the time.

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4.) They have to be right. Miserable, closed minded people that thrive on money and not emotion cannot be wrong. I repeat CANNOT. Their brains cannot cope with being wrong and they will justify that everything they have done, is done for a reason and will blame their success as a result of severely controlled circumstances… you being one of them.  Here’s the thing. Shitty parenting can produce great children, but it doesn’t factually conclude that x produced y.

Dealing with this? Do not argue with them unless you have physical proof supporting your argument. For example if your boss calls saying you are late for work, but you were sure you came in at 12 and 11, make sure you have that photo you pre-took to show them before they changed the schedule (without your knowledge). Get smart. Take photos of availability you have submitted, hours you have worked ect. But in most cases, if you know you won’t win an argument. Just smile and say, “you’re right”. It makes them feel better so just go with it. They need the inner peace more than you do. Oh, and they will still like you.

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 5.) They have to remind you of where you stand on the totem pole. “You work for me remember”. “I wear this because I’m the boss, not you”. “I make the schedule because I’m _____“. It just makes them feel so good to remind themselves that they are in control of something. These people usually lack self confidence and therefore use a title to help them feel better about personal insecurities. These people may not be confident as themselves to have the power to live the way that they want to, so they play boss to gap this void.

Coping? Appologize. This will be a direct translation to them that; you understand that you are a peasant and you have no imput. Trust me, this makes them feel  really good. You are Dobby the house gnome to them so bow down, put your ears back and soak in the peasantry. Most likely just the act of saying out loud that they are in control is what makes them feel the best but appogizing will just put the cherry to the top of their sundae. You go Dobby, you got this sock.

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6.) They can’t stand positivity. Did you have a great day off? Are you smiling as you walk through the door? They don’t want to hear about it. They worked, or x happened. So really your happiness is going to piss them off and conflict with their negative aura.

What to do? Try to keep as low key as possible. Don’t let them catch onto the scent of your happiness. If your day was great, make up something shitty about it. “Oh yeah, I won a million bucks today but ya know, a few of the monies were ripped so.. yeah pretty shitty day”. Okay, just do what you have to friends.

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7.) They actually just don’t really care about how you or how your day was in general. There are some situations where you come into work and you are asked how your day was. Personally I hate this question because you can never win. I would much rather just be acknowledged, like Hi Cara! END OF CONVERSATION, NOW LET ME GET TO WORK SO I CAN BE DONE WORK. You say something positive, they don’t want to hear it, but on the off day they don’t really want to hear a negative thing about your day either.

So what the hell now? Direct the question back to them. “My day was good. How is your cat today Wendy?”. Go back to point 2.) as discussed earlier, and bring up things they like to talk to about. Let them tell you about their day and get right into it. “Oh really Wendy, Wow Fifi is so cute. Awh, what a sweet cat”. Realistically you give no fucks but you want a good start to your work day so paint on that face and let it shine honey.

Here’s the truth:

Working in these places with or for these people is brutally exhausting. But remember that it  exhausts you just as much as these people exhaust themselves. Everyone suffers in this situation.

Remember why you are working there. If you are making bank for the amount of time you put into work, or really just need a job, you can use these techniques to make it work to your advantage temporarily.  If you really don’t need the job.. leave the job. Don’t stay in the toxicity anymore than you need to. Being fake is advantageous in workplaces like this. You will notice the ones that haven’t acquired this skill will not last. Always give yourself the upper hand. Manipulate shitty situations and make it to the end of the tunnel gracefully. Remember that these toxic people are unstable and need to feel more better than you do. They are the sick ones, not you. Make the money and then make your escape.


Keep in mind that these techniques also go for other people in your life too, not just co workers and employers. It goes for really anyone that is a apart of your life that is going to be staying there for an x amount of time that has this affect on you.

I hoped this helped and even gave you a little chuckle today.

Now get back to work Dobby!

C

 

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