“I will not emphasize enough how important it is to be your own person”
So… I dropped out of University, reconnected with my supervisor in Alberta, hopped on a flight to Edmonton and moved in with Landon.
All is Fair
About 4 weeks after relocating to Edmonton, Landon decided his path was to go traveling & unfortunately these plans did not include me. He made his decision, he packed his things, we ended the relationship, discontinued any communication and off he went on his travels. Instant heartbreak. I was lost… Completely lost. He was all I knew about myself.
Who is Me?
I spent my time crying, eating, working and drinking amongst other things. I was doing whatever I thought would help find myself buried in all the emotion. I wasn’t taking care of my body and I certainly was not looking after my mind.
Although I will admit this was a trashy stage in my life, it was a partially enjoyable one due to the carefreeness. I was doing all the things that I felt like I couldn’t in a relationship. I had the freedom to find me.
Toxic Spite- The Illusion of Happiness
“look at me having a great time without you”
The toxicity of social media and breakups is purely this. Doing things for the sole reason of having proof that you’re out “doing you”. Even though Landon and I had no communication while we were not together, of course I was hoping he’d somehow see that I didn’t need him to be happy on my social media or through his friends who often use it.
Some of things I was doing, I wasn’t enjoying, I was not happy. My heart was broken, my confidence was low and my ego needed attention… He looked like he was having an epic time without me.
So… you’re gonna go out, you’re gonna take pictures, you’re gonna go and do random, spontaneous things.. But these things probably aren’t you at all. I’m not a drinker, I’m not a partier and quite a lot of activities I partook in after being involved in such a hard break up were not me, they were not who I was, not even who I wanted to be, but I made myself believe it because I felt like I didn’t know anything else about myself besides these activities.
Break Ups are Healthy
It’s easy to lose yourself
Especially for young people, break ups are healthy. They are horribly painful, but necessary. Although I was very hurt in my situation I did not begrudge Landon for his choice. He needed to go and Travel to fulfil his life goals and to experience other people & things than just me. We were and still are too young to be turning down opportunities for other people right now. In addition, although I did not want it, I also needed those opportunities and I was glad I got to take them by being apart. When you are with someone, it is very easy to lose yourself or to just be acting as the person you think your partner wants you to be. This dangerous and can lead to a life full of unhappiness and unfulfilment.
All is Fair?
Through time & rebuilding Landon came back into my life. We are better & stronger than ever and he came back to me with a much different attitude & perpective. Without that breakup happening I can promise that the current relationship would be super unhealthy. We know that this relationship is what we want and that is something that people can easily lie to themselves about without the proper exposure to reality.
He made a promise to me that he would not be leaving again. A promise that he could not have made without experiencing being without me.
Moral of the Story
- dont unwelcome break ups, they can be positive & super healthy
- if it’s meant to be it will work itself back out and if it doesn’t, it was probably never meant to be.
- trust the timing of your life- give yourself the space and time to use the opportunity as a learning experience.
- if you want to lay in your bed for 3 months watching Netflix, so long as that is actually what you WANT to do, then do that. You are not obligated to be out (resentingly) showing the world you’re having a great time! It’s fake anyways so you might as well sit in your sweats, watch Greys & binge eat pizza which you can garuntee you will throughly enjoy and that’s okay if that’s you!!
- avoid always making choices for your significant other- keep them out of the equation until you know what you want, this will eliminate unhappiness
- while you’re single try not to automatically jump into a new relationship immediately after.. But if you want to, DO IT! But while you do, figure out what you like and don’t like. Learn, learn & grow!
- THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Literally do whatever the hell makes you happy and helps teach you who you are and who you ARE NOT.
- You need to be happy with yourself before you will be truly happy in a relationship. So get to know you and realize how much of a bomb person you are before anyone has the chance to tell you any different!!
your partner does not “complete you”. You complete yourself and your partner highlights & reflects your BEST details!